the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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