actually, I'm a sock model
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
