dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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