My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just found a bag of teeth...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
