So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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