Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
