I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
