u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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