M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you will always have a special place in my vag
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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