his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
