Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
