it wasn't lemon gatorade
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Farmville is her only friend.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
