do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
