I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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