Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
