put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
