just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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