my phone needs a breathalizer
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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