why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
