You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
be right there i have to get my cape
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
