I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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