Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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