he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
