We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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