she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
