Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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