Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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