I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
