You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
