Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
