That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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