Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
