The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
