im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
