I puked a lego.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
