Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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