oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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