I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
