The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
