Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
