Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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