No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm passing your future prison.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
