I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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