hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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