Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
