apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
