Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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