I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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