we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
