I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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