i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
