After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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