Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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