My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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