I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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