you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
