I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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