my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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