am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
