I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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