i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
