Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My cat gives me a boner
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
