and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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