Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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