I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have post one night stand depression
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
