living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
