just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
