Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
