i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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