so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
