hotel room ftw
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
