loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
