saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
