he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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